I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
