im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
