my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
the liver wants what the liver wants
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
