walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
