I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
