I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
