watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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