I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
