I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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