He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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