Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
