no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
