Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
