he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
