You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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