i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
