i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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