i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
