i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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