i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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