What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
