I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
