Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
