I wannas sexs uuuuu
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
