and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
