the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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