fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
