Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
