it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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