just tell him i said nine months
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
