I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
