My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
