I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
