she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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