TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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