its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
