Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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