I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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