remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
