She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
