So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
