We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I pour the whiskey from now on
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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