So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
