You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
