she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
