fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
