I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
