Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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