are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
