Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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